Thursday, September 6, 2007

why Zoe?

Zoe is life in Greek
often used as mother of life
just like Eve.

Zoe is a monster.
the little niece of Oscar
the Grouch.

Zoe is a feminization
of Zooey, the sanest
of the Glass family
on JD Salinger's book.

Zoe is the defunct channel
of the Jesus is Lord Fellowship
before their leader
decided he'd rather be president.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Horror Helper

our maid is a major drama queen. every week she has another sob story. one after the other. it doesn't work on me though. i am not emphatic. actually i am extremely cynical.
but it does work on my mom. she has gone softer with age. i remember when she was younger, she wouldn't even lend her sister money for her niece's tuition. because as she said, it was my aunt's fault that she doesn't have money. she puts it this way "para kasing butiki, yumayakap sa dingding." somehow she make sense.
according to our maid her dad died yesterday. i don't know though. it's been the second death on her family since she has been with us. and she's been with us less that 2 months!
in between deaths, there were also unfortunate events a fight with a daughter in law, in which she unknowingly cursed the girl and her grandchild causing them not to be able to walk and having to go home to undo the curse then there was also her niece who she first said was a paragon of virtue with evil spawn for bosses that turns out to be the other way around.
Maybe she isn't really a drama queen after all. she is the spooky lady.
Her life is so morbid.

first entry....

bought a new notebook, here is my first entry.

- i am afraid of the blank sheet. tabula rasa phobia of some sort.
- for one thing i have a bad penmanship that ruin the cleanliness and prettiness of the page.
- i've read through my friends blogs on friendster. it's surprisinng to find who among them have depth.
- or maybe what i find as depth could only mean a lot of free time on their hands.
- or boring jobs with fast internet access.
- blogs are great. you can blab about anything nobody else really care about.
- i am writing all these inside the bus. obviously it isn't moving as you can see in my handwriting.
- the truth is i just bought this notebook and just want to know if the pen will glide on it.
- yes it does.
- i have given up on journals. am not the the type of person who can take responsibility in chronologically dissecting my everyday.

Thursday, August 2, 2007

if i started believing you

if i started believing you
then one day
i would think
that i was the devil
who tried to corrupt
your little mind.

if i started believing you
then one day
i would realize
that i was the witch
who had bewitched
you to sin.

you want to paint the picture
of the little boy lost.
you like to think
you were better than most

if i started believing you
then one day
i would look back for sure
and see that you were the savior
that i was waiting for.

but you were such a little lying creep
you try to blame me everything
even in your sleep.
you cannot take care of your little bitsy self
and now you blame me but
also ask for my help.


i am a tad disappointed. finally, i saw your wife. not that it should be anything to me, but i really found it disappointing to find out, she's normal. Well, it's my fault. I have concluded in my head that you should have married someone
a) drop dead gorgeous
b) intellectual
c) artistic
d) or a combination of all of the above.
so don't be surprised that i am somehow shocked with her mediocrity. Ok... maybe she's great. maybe she is really a rocket scientist just have a tendency to smile stupidly in front of the camera. and i'm not doing women's lib a great favor berating another women but pardon me, women scorned tends to be judgmental. and maybe, just maybe, i still feel like a woman scorned.

so what if it has been nine years and a couple or more relationships after. and you turning into mr. nice guy on me with picket fences and 1.5 children and dogs? well, maybe you have always been these things or what these things are like when they are in their 20's but... i thought...

well, shit i think a lot. maybe that was the problem.

Friday, July 27, 2007

my little tabula rasa

little tabula rasa
baby in my belly
can you really hear me?
what do you think
in there
how's life in there

my little tabula rasa
baby in my belly
do you ever worry
what do you in there
how is life in there?

a bus life

bus rides alone
with just my thoughts
in the middle
of anonymous faces,
parade of cars
and billboards
passing through my window.

This is my life.

hours and hours
sitting with strangers
with strange smells,
engaging with idle
with senior citizens
like donkey
"are we there yet?"

this is my life.

sitting still
as the bus
bounces from city to city
to the great suburbs
of my destiny
and young lover's
kissing in front of me
and i chagrin
on their stupidity
not knowing
they'd probably
be writing
bad poetry
about each other.

choking on memories

how your name
can command me
to choke on memories
of sundays
in bleachers
and long conversation
where i end up
remembering nothing.

i am gone
like a 17 year old
on crazy short skirt
buying attention
by showing skin
amazing boys
my book learnt

your name
and i am lost
here on my chair
writing verses.

Thursday, July 26, 2007


walang matula
walang madaldal
magkakasya sa pantasya

iisipin ang nakaraan
maghuhukay sa alaala
anong mahuhugot
sa aking memorya

o kaya nama'y titingin sa wala
sa mga naglipana, matutulala
saka magsusulat ng di totoo
maghahabi ng kuwento.

in memory of shuga

i will never see you again
your little face
that lights up
whenever i walk into the room.

one day you will be
just another distant memory
and your voice will no longer
be in my head
like ripples
will be gone

but until then
i agonize in pain
remembering your eyes
your small head against my arms
and your little kisses waking me
in mornings.


i don't have a happy life.
i have a funny one.
in a tragic sort of way
like Woody Allen


peter pan,
can you please stop
pixie dust.
i'm running out
of happy thoughts.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Ever After

do you believe in fairytales?

a prince to save the damsel

in distress

on a castle

sleeping for thousand of years

long locks for a knight

to climb upon

rescuing you from

the stairless tower

of despair

the quintessential mirror

who sees

the fairest of the land

and hoping it was you.

of frogs

turning to Romeo

on a love's first kiss

and glass shoe slips

equaling happy ever after.

Do you believe in


and spiked apples

and evil, evil mothers

turning dreams to cinder

and snowqueens

and flakes of tears

causing everyone sorrow

for thousand of years

and big bad wolves

huffing and puffing

till you ran out of dreams

and strange men

with strange names

weaving your straws

to gold

but inflicting you pain

and gingerbread houses

made of dough and lies

and sweet temptation candy in store

i believe in the latter

and wished that a pea

could turn me to your princess

but i have always been

comfortable in futon.

Monday, June 25, 2007

things in the bathroom

johnson's baby lavender soap - to help you sleep
dove soap with gentle exfoliating
johnson's milk bath for gentle whitening
palmolive aromatherapy with rose scent when you feel a little kinky

johnson's shampoo with mild conditioners - no more tears
vaseline white shampoo - no more germs
palmolive natural shampoo - no more brittle hair
and pesky tangles

palmolive natural conditioner - to make wavy hair straight
sunsilk summer special conditioner -with UV protection
sunsilk conditioner - for damaged hair

colgate whitening, sensodyne, and oral b - most recommended

domex, lysol and apollo muriatic acid -most recommended again.
don't use fragrance cakes but oil burners with orange scented oil.

Friday, June 22, 2007

cheap luxuries

like steak served on the mall
so what if you have to fall
in line
and probably get 2nd degree
on their rusty hot plates
but the joy of the hot meat
in your mouth
after you cut its flesh
burnt on the outside
but oozing with
it juice inside.

like taking cabs
when you really don't need one
you just don't feel like
walking tonight.
and succumbing to the minor joys
of it's leather seat
hoping that the driver
is not listening
to some inane radio program
where insipid people
ask for advice
from talk show hosts
who are as stupid as they are.

like chocolate
nothing better than chocolate
you have your choice
from the darkest to the white
as you melt it in your tongue
and taste its residue
in your teeth.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

just slow

in a chance encounter
saw a boy i was after
quite a long time ago
really ages ago.

in a glance i have find
the one i wanted to be mine
ever after
i wished for ever after.

but now i realized
his dazzling smile
that captivated me
were really a little crooked.

and that his elbows
were actually a little jointed.

and his gait
which made me think
he was calculated
was really
just slow.

still faced madonna

still faced madonna
your mother,
the ideal
in your surreal
i cannot compare.

Girl in a long blue dress

girl in a long blue dress
riding on the train
standing gloriously in cotton
laughing insane.

mismatched are her coordinates
and her awfully worn shoe
but will someone care to tell her
she doesn't look good in blue.

Monday, June 4, 2007

TV line

The hardest part of moving forward
not looking back


movie line

Time Wounds All Heals...
marissa tomei's character in someone like you

Sunday, June 3, 2007

meteor garden commentaries

i rewatched meteor garden again to see whether i was completely dense for liking the Dao characted less and liking Lei more. But i guess, i'd remain one of those girls (the minority), who will always find taciturn and snobbish thrilling and enigmatic and not get attracted to a guy with bronze body and deep dimples.

smart up

maybe i like making mistakes
and wishing me death
and i like the throbbing inside my head
or maybe i like to excuse myself
for drinking too much tequila, instead
and starting smoking dope
at such a late rate
or maybe i just really like eating my cake
and loving people who are fake
and then getting distressed
as if my heart is being pulled from my chest.

or maybe i just don't really learn
i have an addiction on getting burned
or i like scratching my wounds
and see it bleed again, actually hurts
but makes me feel good
maybe i could be diagnosed as a masochist
or maybe i just like those who are sadist.
do i really have to smart up now
cause i'm supposed to be a grown up
but forgot somehow.

kung magmamahal ka ng iba

kung magmamahal ka ng iba
magagalit ako
ngunit maiintindihan kita
at ang puso mo'y palalayain
gayon naman pala'y hindi ka na sa akin
hahayaan na kita
kung may mahal ka ng iba.

ngunit kung iyong sasabihin
na wala lang siya sa iyo
hindi kita maiintindihan sinta
at ang iyong pagkatao ay huhusgahan ko na
titimbangin ang pag-ibig na sinasasabi mong akin
na kaya mong ipagpalit sa wala lang.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

bad manicurist

bitchy murderess of my little toe
torturing me with her dented hoe
her unsharpened, unsanitized nipper
and her inability to use a fucking nail clipper

she drowned my foot in mertiolate(?)
now they are so red and bloody, i look like a flake
and then stained my toes with her bad paint job
she really cant apply polish cause she's such a slob.

i hope she doesn't expect me to tip
cause i'm still currently regretting this trip
i shouldn't have entered this nail salon
if i only knew the manicurist is a baboon.

murdering strangers

sometimes i don't wonder why some people murder strangers
why some people suddenly becomes killers
cause there's just so many stupid people out there
and inconsiderate assholes who simply don't care.

there are people who have offendingly bad taste
and those people who gets frenzy with craze
there are people who drown you with there stupidity
and people, for lact of a better word, who simply are crazy.

there are people who occupy bigger space
even if the bus is crowded and their ass is in your face
there are people who reeks of bad smelling perfume
and do not care if other people die of their fumes.

there are people who scream opinions in your head
when all you wish is that they would just shut up instead
there are people who don't know common courtesy
please, sorry, and excuse is simply not in their vocabulary.

so, i really can't blame them, if there are people
who suddenly kills strangers as they become mental
cause sometimes i feel i'm hanging by a thread
and if worse comes to worst, i might shoot someone dead.

Thursday, May 3, 2007

mary, mary quite contrary

is that bloody tequila in your hands?
what about your fucking lamb
and the fleas in its fleece
whiz geez
curse the rhum
and the music of the drums
and the queer guys with their eyes
on the guy you have eyes for.

mary, mary quite contrary
you want to whore around
but eventually marry
and have 1.5 kids
and your white picket fence
with daffodil trimmings,
a small red mailbox
and a guy to foot the bill
and will
give you backrubs.

politico speaks

politico speaks
long speeches
with practiced easy grin
picking on the oppositions
but not saying anything
at all.

people get starstrucked
because our politicians
are now celebrities
with tv ads and pr men
and camera ready smile
courtesy of extra whitening.

they pose for pics
with the people
who they will soon be screwing
then we shake their hands.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

sad maria

sad maria on wednesday

like novena where you lay

glorious, glorious motherfucking glorious

finding someone else's bed stains.

glorious mad man of my world

spilling wit on my papercup

sorrowful, sorrowful how can you be

as dreams are crashing towards me.

the mystery of evil so divine

and gods turns water into wine

proverbs and psalms hear thy plea

all that's left are lies you are selling me.

Oh joy oh joy of marvelous glory

winding my clock to your convenience

pleading for your attention and wishing for patience

heaven is your love and hell is my existence

Friday, April 13, 2007

ignorance is bliss...

maybe ignorance is really bliss. and stupid people don't really know they are, pretty stupid. and how can they know anyway, when, duh, they are stupid, how can they have a capacity to measure their stupidity? but what irks me the most is those stupid people who really think they are smart... not even just smart... they think they are f@#$-ing brilliant!!! that is just shit. and they dont get it. they don't even get it when you tell it to them straightfaced that "duh". they are so wrapped up thinking that they are einstein or something that they miss all the signs and even the verbal commentaries that you are sending their way.

before you berate me and say, who the hell am i anyway to judge the intellect of another person, i want to tell you right now i know that i'm no genius or rocket scientist. i just know i'm not stupid. and if there are things i don't really know, i'm no ass to pretend that i do and i don't have the inclination to profess that i am.

What is really bothersome is that stupid people tends to have too much guts! maybe that's why they survive in the earth. Some of them will defend their unreasonable ideas (of grandeur) and most of the time in grammatically incorrect and incoherent sentences. and they will fight tooth and nail for it, mind you. and if ever you are the misfortunate person on the other side of the conversation, you are left with two options: 1. resign to the idea that you are talking to a stupid person and it is a waste to try to show reason to a person incapable of reasoning and just take what the person is saying with a grain of salt, or 2. punch the person on the face. now, the problem with this though, with option one, with you taking it with a grain of salt, the stupid person might think your silence means agreement. it is detrimental to society to do so, because the stupid person thinking that he is right would then inflict his sacrilege of ideas to a bigger audience and society as we know it, civilized and all, will end. if you do option two though, well, you, the saner one would be deemed by the stupid person as the one who is not really reasonable.

so there is only one solution then, do not talk to them. ignore them. make ways not to be with them. recommend their extermination when a new fuhrer comes.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Pleasing to the eye

maybe you want something pleasing to the eye and you are such a little school boy who cannot see beyond what you see.
i want you to understand me but then that is impossible because i don't really understand myself.
i have depths i promise but you have to see beyond the smile and the eyes they say do not lie but i don't believe so because i'm fooling you.
i am not really a good actress but i'm not particularly bad one. i will give you your money's worth if you were paying me but since you aren't no need for a show.
the christmas show is over and mary was really seeing the donkey and the baby jesus was a midget dope fiend.