smart up

maybe i like making mistakes
and wishing me death
and i like the throbbing inside my head
or maybe i like to excuse myself
for drinking too much tequila, instead
and starting smoking dope
at such a late rate
or maybe i just really like eating my cake
and loving people who are fake
and then getting distressed
as if my heart is being pulled from my chest.

or maybe i just don't really learn
i have an addiction on getting burned
or i like scratching my wounds
and see it bleed again, actually hurts
but makes me feel good
maybe i could be diagnosed as a masochist
or maybe i just like those who are sadist.
do i really have to smart up now
cause i'm supposed to be a grown up
but forgot somehow.