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there he is all grown up. no longer the boy with the easy smile that makes my heart skip. i am also not who i was used to be. no longer the girl in pigtails who wear my heart on my sleeves. we both have kids for Christ's sake. but i still like knowing about his life. i still read his blogs, status update, etc. and it is as i still know him now when i read about what we had for lunch, what he thought of the last movie he saw or book he read.

rant

do you remember me? really remember me? please tell me because sometimes i forget myself. sorry, if i seem to be a tool but i am a little lost and my problem is i am not sure if i want to be found. so pardon me, tell me do you know me? really, really know me? tell me, tell me. am i good? cause i seldom feel that way. or am i bad? do you like me if i am so.

do i bend for you? will i do what you want me to? and if i do, will you bend for me too? cause i can go long with you if you tell me you want me to and if you swear you will go long with me too.

alaala

para lang kahapon
ilang taon na pala
bakit mo pa binibisita
ang nananahimik kong alaala

nagbago na ang hugis ng ating mga kahapon

paano ba kita makikilala
gayong ibang iba ka na
sa nakilala ko?

paano mo ko makikilala
gayong hindi na ako
ang dating ako

ngunit gayunpaman

kilala pa din kita

ang ngiti mo ay tumatama pa rin
sa kaibuturan ko
parang pana
sapol ako palagi
kahit ngayon
makalipas ang maraming taon

binabalikan ang alaala
ng yong halik
ang hulma ng iyong katawan.al

new year

it's a bit cliche to do a resolution so i wont call this a resolution i will call this a plan or maybe a list of things i hope i get to do this year. isn't it amazing how i can be so hopeful this 2012 even if they say this year will be the end of the world?

1. i should start writing more. i do not need to write a noble prize winner anyway. but i should get my thoughts on something. so i can find out how shallow i really am or stupid or bad in grammar.

2. ok i need to fess up with my weight and do something about it. maybe get proper nutritional counselling and yes i know i need to exercise. just after the holidays ok? please.

3. work on our finances. save up.

4. treasure my health and the kids. start seriously taking vitamins. i had four or more severe bouts of flu last year. time to get better.

5. pay serious attention to my work. i love working at tfdp. it combines both my desire to work for the people and all the luxury of a paid job. so i should do better at it. come on time... work on time... come on time!

6. the sundays are for the kids... the sundays are for the kids.

enigma

beautiful boy
you smile and it fills the room
pleases the crowd
you walk and take a sit
as we watch
gulp and sulk

don't speak please
don't ruin our illusions

let us remain impressed
by your beauty

reminiscing...

once upon a time we were revolutionaries
or so we thought we are.
drunk in the high of the rhetorics
of all our heroes and comrades
failed and alive.
the lullaby of songs of uprisings
lull as to dream
changing the system
changing the world.

now we are no longer revolutionaries
just trying to make our dent
drunk in the low of our everyday lives
of all our fallen heroes and comrades
failed and alive.
the lullabu of song of uprisings
we still sing
as we lull our children to dream
change the system kid
change the world.

Tonight i can write the saddest lines - Pablo Neruda

Tonight i can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example. 'the night is shattered
and the blue stars shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight i can write the saddest lines.
i loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one i held her in my arms
i kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me sometimes, and i loved her too.
how could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight i can write the saddes lines.
to think that i do not have her. to feel that i have lost her.

to hear the immense night, still more immense without her
and the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

what does it matter that my love could not keep her.
the night is shattered and she is not with me.

this is all. in the distance someone is singing. in the distance,
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

my sight searches for her as though to go to her
my heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

the same night whitening the same trees.
we, of that time, are no longer the same.

i no longer love her, that's certain, but how i loved her.
my voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

another's. she will be another's. like my kisses before.
her voice. her bright body. her infinite eyes.

i no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe i love her.
love is so short, forgetting is so long.

because throught nights like this one i held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that i write for her.

- nung pang isang araw ko gusto tumula kaso nasulat na ni pablo neruda ang lahat ng gusto kong sabihin ng mas maganda pa sa kakayahan kong sabihin ito. paano pa ba sasabihin ng mas maganda ang linya na "love is so short, forgetting is so long". kahit na gaano kaikli ang panahon ng pag-ibig, kahit gaano kakaunti ang panahon ng pinagsama, hindi naman nangangahulungan na madgiging madali ang paglimot. kainis.