reminiscing...

once upon a time we were revolutionaries
or so we thought we are.
drunk in the high of the rhetorics
of all our heroes and comrades
failed and alive.
the lullaby of songs of uprisings
lull as to dream
changing the system
changing the world.

now we are no longer revolutionaries
just trying to make our dent
drunk in the low of our everyday lives
of all our fallen heroes and comrades
failed and alive.
the lullabu of song of uprisings
we still sing
as we lull our children to dream
change the system kid
change the world.

Tonight i can write the saddest lines - Pablo Neruda

Tonight i can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example. 'the night is shattered
and the blue stars shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight i can write the saddest lines.
i loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one i held her in my arms
i kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me sometimes, and i loved her too.
how could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight i can write the saddes lines.
to think that i do not have her. to feel that i have lost her.

to hear the immense night, still more immense without her
and the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

what does it matter that my love could not keep her.
the night is shattered and she is not with me.

this is all. in the distance someone is singing. in the distance,
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

my sight searches for her as though to go to her
my heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

the same night whitening the same trees.
we, of that time, are no longer the same.

i no longer love her, that's certain, but how i loved her.
my voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

another's. she will be another's. like my kisses before.
her voice. her bright body. her infinite eyes.

i no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe i love her.
love is so short, forgetting is so long.

because throught nights like this one i held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that i write for her.

- nung pang isang araw ko gusto tumula kaso nasulat na ni pablo neruda ang lahat ng gusto kong sabihin ng mas maganda pa sa kakayahan kong sabihin ito. paano pa ba sasabihin ng mas maganda ang linya na "love is so short, forgetting is so long". kahit na gaano kaikli ang panahon ng pag-ibig, kahit gaano kakaunti ang panahon ng pinagsama, hindi naman nangangahulungan na madgiging madali ang paglimot. kainis.

one for my husband

how can i forget how you betrayed me
when i see her face in your smile
how can i believe that you love me
when you uttered those words in her behalf.
how can i hold on t0 the years we've been together
when you've forgotten what they meant
when you went off with her

how can a sorry be enough
but what else can be done

when letting go is not an option
i would care to pursue.

state of my marriage

i am a heart breaking each and everyday
to bits and pieces
no amount of glue can restore.

i am a mind lost in the words
said and unsaid
trying to digest the lies you spoke.

part one

ngumiti ka at parang nabura ang 14 na taong dumaan mula ng una kong nasilayan ang iyong ngiti. freshman ako noon, naghihintay kay amy at grace dumating at may programa sa pop-eye.

mula sa third floor, nasilayan ko ang iyong ngiti ng tinawag ka. ngumiti ka sa mga nagtitipon at sa mga tulad kong nag-uusyoso lang.

"isang mapula at mapagpalayang pagbati sa inyong lahat" bati mo sa amin. at kahit alam kong ang pagbati na iyon ay para sa lahat ng naroroon ng panahon na iyon inari ko na akin yon. akin kasama ang ngiti mo.

nagsalita ka tungkol sa pagtataas ng tuition sa ibang mga unibersidad. ang totoo pang ilang tao ka na nga na napakinggan ko tungkol sa bagay na ito. ang totoo nga dati, wala akong kapakipakialam dahil bakit nga ba ako makikialam e dito sa atin ni singkong duling di naman tumataas ang tuition fee. pagdatin sa iyo, sabihin na lang natin na gusto ko na ring makialam. Kaya ng magyaya ka na magsibaba na kami at sumama sa martsa nyo papuntang mendiola, karay karay ko si Amy at Grace pababa ng main.

Dinala mo nga kami sa Mendiola. Ang haba ng lakad. Galit na galit si Grace kasi naka heels siya. Si Amy naman muntik hikain. Ang layo din naman kasi talaga lalo na sa aking allergic sa grueling exercises. di ko nga akalaing darating ang araw na sasama ako sa rally. ako pa? na naiinis sa trapik na dinudulot sa legarda papuntang quiapo dahil sa mga rally rally. hindi ko rin inambisyong magbilad sa kalye at magrisk magka-skin caner na may hawak hawak na mga plakard. masakit ata yon sa kilili! not to mention di ko binalak magsisigaw ng ibagsak.

Pagdating ng mendiola, nagpaDG kayo sa kalsada. Syempre, sinadya ko na mapabilang kami sa grupo mo. Gusto na nina Grace umuwi pero di nila ako maiwan. kaya tatlo kaming kasama sa grupo mo at nung araw ding iyon, kaming tatlo ang bago mong mga recruit.

para sayo

hindi na ko umaawit
ng mga kanta
na para sayo

di na rin
ako dumadaan
sa mga lugar
na maaring daanan mo

ngunit bakit ko ba
paliitin
ang aking mundo?

lalo na

kung para lang sa'yo.

random thoughts on getting old

i realized i'm getting old. my skin is starting to show freckles and sun spots. if i would judge from my mom's skin and the laws of genetic, i am on my way to becoming a dalmatian.

my skin is getting dry. i could write statements on my forearm with white mark scratches. the problem is i am not comfortable (i actually feel icky) with lotion.

everybody is getting obsessed with getting old. celebrities from tv are shooting up poison on their forehead to hide wrinkles.

i saw my ex super dooper crush (the only guy i really had a crush that was not based in celebral capability but by the simple fact that he is cute. aga muhlach in bagets cute). he is getting old as well. in a michael j. fox sort of way. the crinks are showing around the eyes and it is sad since he used to have really cute eyes.