too close

i cannot touch you
even
if
you are just
within my reach.

can you fathom
the self control
i have to muster
in your presence?

you are my muse
in 46 poems

how can i not
want you
when
you are so near

but everyone
is here
and they
might
hear

the beating of my heart.

i try to silence
it with words

drowning this want

understanding

should I have seen the sign?
if I only bothered not to overlook
 beyond what I thought
as plain sight
the tears beneath the cackle
the sadness between the laughter
the agony within I should have
recognize
for it resides on me too
why did you let them catch you?

facebook

there he is all grown up. no longer the boy with the easy smile that makes my heart skip. i am also not who i was used to be. no longer the girl in pigtails who wear my heart on my sleeves. we both have kids for Christ's sake. but i still like knowing about his life. i still read his blogs, status update, etc. and it is as i still know him now when i read about what we had for lunch, what he thought of the last movie he saw or book he read.

rant

do you remember me? really remember me? please tell me because sometimes i forget myself. sorry, if i seem to be a tool but i am a little lost and my problem is i am not sure if i want to be found. so pardon me, tell me do you know me? really, really know me? tell me, tell me. am i good? cause i seldom feel that way. or am i bad? do you like me if i am so.

do i bend for you? will i do what you want me to? and if i do, will you bend for me too? cause i can go long with you if you tell me you want me to and if you swear you will go long with me too.

alaala

para lang kahapon
ilang taon na pala
bakit mo pa binibisita
ang nananahimik kong alaala

nagbago na ang hugis ng ating mga kahapon

paano ba kita makikilala
gayong ibang iba ka na
sa nakilala ko?

paano mo ko makikilala
gayong hindi na ako
ang dating ako

ngunit gayunpaman

kilala pa din kita

ang ngiti mo ay tumatama pa rin
sa kaibuturan ko
parang pana
sapol ako palagi
kahit ngayon
makalipas ang maraming taon

binabalikan ang alaala
ng yong halik
ang hulma ng iyong katawan.al

new year

it's a bit cliche to do a resolution so i wont call this a resolution i will call this a plan or maybe a list of things i hope i get to do this year. isn't it amazing how i can be so hopeful this 2012 even if they say this year will be the end of the world?

1. i should start writing more. i do not need to write a noble prize winner anyway. but i should get my thoughts on something. so i can find out how shallow i really am or stupid or bad in grammar.

2. ok i need to fess up with my weight and do something about it. maybe get proper nutritional counselling and yes i know i need to exercise. just after the holidays ok? please.

3. work on our finances. save up.

4. treasure my health and the kids. start seriously taking vitamins. i had four or more severe bouts of flu last year. time to get better.

5. pay serious attention to my work. i love working at tfdp. it combines both my desire to work for the people and all the luxury of a paid job. so i should do better at it. come on time... work on time... come on time!

6. the sundays are for the kids... the sundays are for the kids.

enigma

beautiful boy
you smile and it fills the room
pleases the crowd
you walk and take a sit
as we watch
gulp and sulk

don't speak please
don't ruin our illusions

let us remain impressed
by your beauty